but if i shoot, you'll fall. (A/N)

Posted by @kytaens

hello there! if you're reading this, then thank you for reading the fic ;; it means a lot to me! (if you are reading this before you read the fic, please don't spoil yourself and read the fic first (if you want to ofc)!!)

this fic was... so hard to write, truthfully speaking. even harder than some of the other ones that dealt with relationships (the voltron ones i wrote, specifically) — i wish for nothing more than these two to be able to communicate better with each other but both of them are *clenches fist* it was hard, trying to work with midori's feelings, and writing out their relationship as a whole, while also considering their developments in the future. i hope i did midori (and chiaki) some sort of justice, at least!!

i think i always try adding way too many things to my fics, too many motifs, that i often lose some in the process or it no longer fits well with everything and makes everything just more convoluted, but after a lot of time spent writing this one and wrangling this and that, i hope something worked, that the main messages and motifs were able to shine through! (๑•̀ㅂ•́)ง✧

but just in case, here are some things i'd like you to know:

takeaways:

or alternatively, "Things I Tried To Do In This Fic But May Not Have Succeeded In Doing"

• the main conflict: basically midori starting mistaking his feelings of love as something that came out of guilt, because he "didn't know it was in him" when he confessed out of the blue. and then he starts realizing this (mis)conception along the story as the truth (but if you notice, or at least i tried to make it, midori really did fall in love for other reasons and not by mistaking guilt as love)

• and then all the way chiaki was being AnnoyingTM which just made midori even more confused (why do i like this guy again) but chiaki... was only trying to close the distance. in the only way he knew how to do

• i wanted chiaki to recognize when midori needs some space, i think. and to clarify more (because he can't read moods well). these two have so much trouble communicating because they both don't listen and look down on themselves fffff and midori keeps complaining in canon because he's afraid of asking directly for help and he doesn't like talking about his own problems (ok i'll stop before this becomes midorilovemail)

• mostly i just want midori to be more honest to others and to himself

• midori probably also felt guilty of keeping all the good things about chiaki to himself; i addressed it briefly but i guess it never really got resolved, did it ;; (hopefully they'll work it out.)

• since midori only confessed a month ago, midori and chiaki have a hard time at first calling e/o differently! i tried to make that as apparent as i could.

• as the story went on, midori's "chiaki-san"'s became "morisawa-senpai" again! especially in that basketball reunion scene, to hint the distance beginning to grow even further as midori "confirms" his suspicions of what he feels towards him

• chiaki also says "midori" less afterwards. not sure if he's getting too close to midori & making him uncomfortable, and all, and with how midori reacted in the earlier bus scene,,,

• i tried my best to make it so that future!midori would be more willing to understand a situation, and not run away so much. that... might have not happened in this fic, i confess. but i think in canon 3rd year midori would be a bit more confident in himself, and trust in his comrades ;;

• this is definitely lowkey midochiakana, but i wanted to focus on midori & chiaki because their relationship, and the conflict between them, is what i was focusing on developing!! please forgive me (シ_ _)シ

• i... feel that midori is more sensitive to others, or more perceptive. so in the story i also included his observations of those around him.

motifs/symbolism:

• loudness/quietness
• distance
• stars (of course)
• midori's guilt
• "home"
• warmth
• chiaki's back
• truth/constants

little notes:

• this fic was originally titled "odds & ends"! because... they are at odds right now, but still they make ends meet...

• this is the longest oneshot i've written now :0

• RYUSEITAI is now uncreatively METEORANGERS in university!

• chiaki meets midori in the middle for their morning bus rides!

• the plot and the main messages and even the writing changed so many times through the making of this fic. in the beginning this was only supposed to be domestic!AU but SOMEONE COULDN'T STAY ANGST-FREE (coughs midori coughs) so, here we are,

• originally i was going to have midori play a game against or with chiaki in the reunion and then accidentally sprain his ankle (too cruel! isn't it! this is why painter!midori hasn't come home ye—)

• i keep on forgetting chiaki has glasses sometimes

• what's time??? hahaha. anyways it was supposed to be set in the transition period between spring&summer (the confession is set late-spring)

• i use "laugh" and "right now" and em dashes — and italics way too many times to be forgiven

thank you again! i hope you enjoyed this fic (that was basically me dumping my feels into 15k words!!) (ღ˘⌣˘ღ) ♡ also, do not hesitate to ask more questions if you have any into my curiouscat inbox! and share any mdch headcanons/aus because i have a bunch as well i didn't get to write in this fic because, as i said, the topic of this fic drastically changed huehue

curiouscat | twitter | ao3

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