seasons
@17thwoo
this morning, we had problems with logistics and it was all on me. ever since that night, i haven't been myself. i couldn't work properly and bring my shit together when all i could think of is eliotte. when she told me she wanted space from me, it felt like my world came crushing down. she's my whole world. so hearing those words from her, i felt a kind of pain i have never felt in my life. she told me that she feels like we're drifting away from each other—that's the only thing echoing in my mind the entire week. out of all the seasons in our lives, this may be the hardest. i couldn't help but think if this season we're both in right now will ever end?
believe me, i wanted to reach out. for so many times. but hearing her voice when she told me those words that night, so desperate and tired—i knew i had to give her the space she wanted, even if it meant i had to learn how to live without her presence temporarily, until she tells me herself that she's ready to face everything with me again.
"is this the best you could do, engineer?!" our chief engineer shouted at me, in front of almost every worker.
"is this why your dad kept pulling strings for you to have your own projects?" he added.
i feel numb that his words didn't even pierce through my heart. it was still eli's words that hurt more than anything.
i didn't even try to answer our chief engineer back, i walked out and left everyone there. i went back to our barracks where i could be alone, where i could breathe.
i heared someone knock on the door but i didn't even bother to stand up from my seat and open it.
"engineer,"
"open up, si bea 'to."
reluctantly, i opened the door and saw her, panting. it took me a moment to realize she followed me when i left the scene earlier. "yes?" i nonchalantly asked her. "are you okay?" she asked me.
it's a question so easy yet so hard to answer. how do you even admit to someone that you're not okay? how do you tell someone that you're breaking inside?
however, i replied, "yeah, i'm okay, don't worry about it." while pretending to fix and check some files on my desk. "really?" she asked me again. at this rate, i'm close to showing her my vulnerable side, until someone interrupted my thoughts and entered the barrack. "sorry po, may kukunin lang." the staff said, and i nodded in agreement.
"pabayaan mo na si chief, tumatanda na kasi. pangit lang siguro kaninang umaga." bea uttered. the staff who just entered also agreed, "oo nga po engineer, menopause siguro po siguro si chief," and they both laughed so i supposed bea and him are close.
"ngiti na, engineer," bea told me as she gave me a smile. "oo nga po, gusto mo po ba siya nalang buhusan natin ng semento mamaya?" the staff jokingly said, and i found myself laughing with them.
the staff bid us goodbye and i thanked him for making me laugh. bea was still making jokes which i appreciate, she's probably distracting me after what happend earlier. i didn't notice that the staff left the door open and when i looked outside,
i saw eliotte.