Stepping off the internet
@Zuckles
If you’ve clicked on this thanks for taking the time to have a read. Lately I’ve been struggling deeply with emotional trauma and I think being on the internet as of late has put a true dent in my psychological and psychical state. Since the Misfits abandoned I’ve felt unable to adjust to any other form of content being left with only what I know which was making content with them. This means that whenever I boot up a stream or try to make anything else I don’t really know who I am anymore. I’m suffering from what Ryan did still and I will mention that yes, something did happen to me too involving with Peckett but thankfully I’ve been able to move quite forward from it since I had support around me at the time however it still plays a part in the way I project things to this day. I helped built Misfits from the ground up and I understand things need to move on but I am struggling to comprehend what is next for myself. I’ve spent months in tears and bashing my head on walls feeling ashamed and embarrassed of myself as a YouTuber with over a million subscribers and 5 dollars in my bank account, to top it off too I’m going through a 4 year break up and I just feel like a laughing stock to people. I got psychological help but since moving back to Geelong I’ve found it hard to find someone who helped me as good as my other psychologist based in Melbourne so essentially I’ve been back to square one for months now. I think my passion for making content comes from a drive of desperation rather than being happy and instead doing my best at chasing some sort of closure that I’m still “that guy that came so far from how he started out”. With this being said, I do have things going for me I just think that being on the internet is really putting a road block on me healing and finding peace for who I am truly. All my stupid posts I’m making a lot of the time isn’t who I am and I’m just struggling. I’m starting to realise slowly that I don’t need to post stupid shit for people for some sort of gratification when at the end of the day you all see the side of Zuckles, but only I know Mason. I think this step away from the internet will heal me tremendously and I hope I can find a job or something that fulfils me rather than being this frowned upon mascot that has been for years. I’ll still be active on my instagram most likely but posting with a grain of salt but live streaming however it’s time to take a step back and just throw in the towel, whether it’s for months or a whole year, or never again. I thank everyone who has supported me through my idiotic posts and can see clearly that I’m not who I am as of late and also for reaching out. Also don’t blame any of the boys from the crew for anything that I’m going through, I still keep in touch with them and they'll always be my best mates. They do a lot more behind the scenes than you think for me. Cheers and hopefully I can finally move past this bullshit of reacting to what people say on the internet and start becoming the great person I have envisioned for the future. So yeah bye for now but hello to the new me.