Let's talk about things that happened this week.
@Sf_chsd
Hi, I decided to write a message to my community and friends in this long form of message. Therefore to explain myself on my message in these few days because I want to write this when I have a clearer mind.
Few days ago, I wrote a sad message where I'm planning to 'insert delete button' permanently in this world. Truth to be told, irl I mostly hurt from the amount of pressure that my parents gave me. It hasn't stopped ever since, unless I went out with a irl close friend for a while where I felt free to be me.
Last Monday, My mom kicked me out for a whole day, while threatening me with a knife because of assuming that I didn't want to clean the floor. I always do my chores whenever I can. I'm starting to assist my mom bit by bit with things like cleaning the kitchen, turn on the washing machine because I myself UNDERSTAND that things are not doing well right now due to the issues that I have with the shit government in my country.
The reason I didn't mop the floor because I also had a disagreement between my dad and he told me off that I can't eat his homemade meal. I was a bit upset over that, and therefore I ate very late (I ate around 2.15 PM at noon and I also ate a half a corn cob because I didn't ate much that morning too). She assumed that I'm lazy (this is NOT the first time she did this to me), and therefore I went away just like she wanted. I forcefully went to my workplace for safety, later being picked up by my cousin's family and a discuss with everyone at their house.
During that discussion, I found out that my mom also didn't tell the part where she threaten me with a knife to my relatives. I finally realized that my mom had the balls to lie on something towards them. Even so, they're still somewhat defended her and the reasoning it's because 'She has thyroid, you should've just respected her even she made mistakes and as a child you have to just respect your elders.' and my dad somehow did the same too.
Nobody in the family has ever ask that if I'm hurting on the inside or not. They just asked me to deal with it.
Before you asked "Why don't your report it to the police?" I will give you 2 reasons: It's not worth it because it will hurt everyone and I don't want my little brother to be bullied for that, and even if I do, police in here can't do shit either because from these past couple of years....They just existed but didn't take responsibilities on cases (And recently there's a police brutality that happened months ago during a protest).
Due to that, with the amount of pressure, I planned to do an attempt around the end of the year. I didn't ping anyone on writing that message. But on the next few hours, everyone begged me to not do it. My irl friends told me the same. I had to read the messages and DMs on both Instagram and Discord and it was insane to see the amount of people would said the same because they care about my wellbeing. One of my close friends also told me to get out on the house that I live and find a safe space (where I was unable to because of housing in here is hard to get by if you don't have a better pay)
A thought was occured to me: If I end it in here, maybe everyone and my friends will feel hurt or even worse...My junior that I also helped will get hurt too because I prevented him to not commit the same too. Or maybe the Taiko community that've known me will get hurt too and maybe...I won't be able to spend time with my gremlin little brother.
Due to the massive love and support, I promise I won't do it. BUT due to my own well being, I will be taking a temporary break until the 31st of December. I will be still be active on twitch and my art account (Sf_Chsd) on twitter to post artwork.
Once again, I Apologize if hurted everyone from the message that I said earlier. I'm genuinely just hurt from the massive pressure that I often get from both of my parents. I don't have a way to leave this household and get into a psychiatrist for now. But I will try to keep going, just the way that you wished.
See you at the end of this year, I will try to held a VC for new years eve if you want me to do it.
- Geby