take it slow
@keunsmochi
“joaquin, i’m sorry…” kiko is seated on the seat parallel to joaquin’s. “i don’t know how to start pero i just really want to say how deeply sorry i am for every pain i’ve caused you.”
“the day i was about to come home to you, i found out i got someone pregnant. natakot ako na madamay ka, kaya i tried to keep myself away from you. iniisip ko nung una, baka hindi sakin yung bata kaya aayusin ko muna tapos tsaka ko ipapaliwanag sa’yo, pero mali pala…”
“:dapat pala pinaliwanag ko na kasi you deserve the truth. pero nagpakain kasi ako sa takot. alam kong once na sabihin ko sa’yo, pwedeng mawala ko na kayo at ayun yung ayoko. tapos kanina lang nalaman ko na set up pala lahat at hindi ko talaga anak yung bata. tapos yung babae, obsessed pala sa ‘kin kaya niya yon pinlano at ginawa. sobrang tangang tanga ako sa sarili ko kasi kahit konti, hindi ko naisip na possible. sobrang tangang tanga ako sa sarili ko kasi sinira ko kayo para lang dun sa taong ginagago ako…” kiko is trying his best to explain as tears were continuously streaming down his face.
“kiks, sabi mo favorite friend mo ko?” joaquin asked, which made kiko raise his head. “bakit hindi ka nagtiwala na magsstay at makikinig ako sa’yo?”
kiko never felt the intensity of the word friendship not until today. not until he heard about his friend’s sacrifices, and now joaquin’s willingness to stay and listen despite getting hurt.
“sana nung una pa lang sinabi mo… kasi hindi naman kita tatalikuran. bakit ang babaw ng tingin mo sa pagkakaibigan natin? sakin? kiko, kung sa’yo nga yung bata, willing akong mag give way. it will hurt me, pero sana alam mo na hiding the truth from me will hurt me more."
"hindi ako mapagtanim ng sama ng loob na tao, alam mo yan kasi kinwento ko sa’yo yung sa pamilya ko, kaya nasasaktan ako na tingin mo iiwan kita dahil lang nakabuntis ka ng iba?” joaquin is now sobbing while voicing out the words he’s been avoiding to say and feel for the past weeks.
“titigilan kitang gustuhin pero hindi kita titigilang kaibiganin. kasi bago naman ako nagkagusto sa’yo, naging kaibigan mo muna ako..” the last words were whispered as joaquin started covering his mouth from sobs.
“joaquin, i’m really sorry…” it was bullshit to apologize without changing one’s behavior but that is all kiko can say right now.
“ang duga mo... h-hindi ka pa nags-sosorry, n-napatawad na kita. k-kasi si k-kiko ka eh. kasi t-totoong f-favorite friend k-kita…” kiko quickly stood up and enveloped joaquin. kiko kept on saying “i’m sorry” as he was holding joaquin in his arms while they are both crying.
it was pure tears all probably from longing.
“just give me another chance to make it up to you, joaquin, please?” kiko pleaded.
joaquin pull away from the hug and wiped his tears. “do you want me to be honest?” kiko nodded. “kiko, we both need some time apart. i don’t think we can easily go back to our close proximity in the past."
joaquin took a deep breath. "just like me, you need some time to ponder. we need some time para masigurado natin yung nararamdaman natin.”
“sigurado ako sa nararamdaman ko sa’yo” kiko said but joaquin just shook his head.
“the trajectory of our friendship changed in an instant. sobrang bilis lahat. baka nadadala ka lang sa mga nangyayari, baka ganun din ako…”
kiko remained silent. “this time, we’ll take it slow. if we end up together, edi good, but if along the way we realize na hindi pala natin gusto ang isa’t isa, then we’ll remain friends. we’re doing this so we wouldn’t end up as nothing. i don’t want to lose you, kiks…”