Janett Moon
ㅡ excuse the grammatical errors, no time to check
@forssmw
The twin's exchanged looks, heart beating nervously as they waited for their mother to finally speak. Her hands slowly flipped through the pages of the photo album and the twins followed the photos. The faded photographs couldn't erase the joyful moments shown in the piece of paper. A celebration of two people who loved each other finally binded with marriage. They were surrounded by the most important people in their lives and one person stood constantly by their side, Janett Moon.
Or whom their Mama Susan and Shuu's mother called "Jane". She was such a scene stealer, always bringing the biggest smile in the candid shots. Truly the happiest person to be there besides the couple. Her happiness in the photo was radiating to the twins that they couldn't help but smile back. Even their Mama Susan's lips curled into a soft smile before she started speaking.
"Noong nalaman namin na umalis na si Anna ay wala kaming nagawa kundi tanggapin na lamang ito." Her voice was mellow, careful not to disturb the peaceful night.
"Kahit gusto namin gumawa ng paraan para magkaroon ng komunikasyon sa kanya ay wala kaming nahanap. Masakit at lubos na nakakapanlumo ngunit tinanggap namin na habang nasa eskwelahan pa kami ay wala kaming magagawa muna kundi ang maghintay na kami ay makapagtapos at magkaroon ng oportunidad na hanapin siya."
The twins watched their mom flip another page as she continued to speak.
"Ngunit noong nakapagtapos na ako sa kolehiyo ay agad akong nagtrabaho sa plantasyon ng niyog ng aming pamilya."
"Ito ba yung coconut farms nila lolo noon?" Kiyeo asked, certainly curious about what happened to the Lee's longest generation of being one of the country's coconut producers but the twins' didn't even get to see it. Their mom nodded.
"Sobrang nangagamba ang aking mga magulang noon at kinailangan nila ang aking tulong. Nagtrabaho ako sa kanila ng isang taon at ginawa ang aking makakaya para matulungan ang aming negosyo ngunit sa kasawiang palad ay hindi na ito maiahon sa pagkalugmok lalo na at hindi namin kayang pagswelduhin ang mga magsasaka."
"Isang problema pa ay wala kaming nakukuhang suporta galing sa sanggunian ng agrikultura. Hindi natutuunan ng pansin ng gobyerno ang aming industriya noon at hindi din namin gusto na alilain ang mga magsasaka na siyang nagdudusa at lubos na naghihirap. Dagdag pa na napapadalas ang bagyo noon at wala kaming nagawa kundi eh benta na lang ang karamihan sa aming mga lupain. At iwan ang industriyang agrikultura."
Mama Susan's voice was filled with sadness. The twin's knew how much she loved coconut trees to the point she could talk about the variety of different coconut trees, their lifespans, how they would grow and other random facts about it. Her fascination towards the tree of life was planted in their own home. The Green Dwarf Coconut that was older than the twins stood tall in their backyard. It was their Mama Susan who planted and took care of it with her family.
"At bilang nag-iisang anak, yung perang napaghatian ng inyong mga lolo't lola ay naipamana sa akin." Mama Susan added.
Kiyeo's mouth hangs open. "Magkanㅡ"
He wasn't able to ask the question because One glared at him, Kiyeo just pouted.
"At ano pong ginawa niyo sa pera ma?" One asked seriously. Mama Susan turned to answer him. "Iyon ay napakalaking halaga at ang naisipan ko lamang noon ay ilagay ito sa bangko para ito'y tumubo."
"Ma hindi niyo ba naiisip noon na eh keep na lang yung mga lupa kasi diba hindi naman bumababa yung presyo ng lupa at habang tumatagal ay lumalaki pa din yung market value nito. Sabihin nating hindi na nga umuusad yung agrikultura noon pero yung asset niyo naman ay lumalaki hindi ba?" Kiyeo wondered, Mama Susan smiled.
"Naiintindihan ko ang iyong ibig sabihin ngunit sa panahong iyon ay mas mabuti ng maibenta namin ang ibang lupa para makapagpundar ng ibang negosyo na aming nanaisin. At isa pa, hindi naman naming kayang hayaan na lang yung mga magsasaka na mawalan ng hanapbuhay kaya ito'y pinaubaya namin sa ibang hacienderos na may puhunan para taniman ng nais nila." Mama Susan explained.
The twins let out a synchronized "ah".
"At isa pa ay nagmamadali din naman akong ipagpakasal ng aking mga magulang kaya nagamit din naman namin agad ang pera."
"Po?!" Kiyeo asked, surprised.
"Mama hindi ka ba tinakbuhan ni papa noon kasi sobrang yaman mo?"
Mama Susan laughed. "Hindi naman yung pera yung papakasalan ng tatay niyo at alam niya naman na hindi ako isang marangyang babae. Ang gusto lang namin noon ay magsama na ng panghabangbuhay."
The two hollered, teasing their mother but she immediately hushed them saying that their own kids could wake up to their noise.
"Mama nagpropose ba si papa o binigyan mo siya ng sampung milyon para pakasalan kㅡARAY! mama naman." Kiyeo whined when his mother pinched him in the thighs. One just laughed.
"Jusmiyo mahabagin anong akala mo sa'kin?!" Mama Susan asked, flabbergasted.
"So higher? 20 millㅡma joke lang!" One asked as he avoided her mother's aiming hands, the twins laughing at their mother's glaring eyes.
"Tigilan niyo ako at makukurot ko kayo, hindi niyo ba alam na pinag-akyat ko pa ang papa ninyo noon ng buko at saka siya lumuhod sa harap ko at pinakita sakin yungㅡ"
"buko."
"YUNG singsingㅡ"
"pinakita lang naman eh, kasal agaㅡ"
"AT hiningi ang aking kamay."
The twins were having the time of their lives teasing their mother knowing well that the conversation could turn heavy any moment. Of course they already knew that story, their father loved telling it when they were still little.
"Pinakasalan ako ng papa niyo ng bukal sa kaniyang loob." Mama Susan said pointedly.
The twins just chuckled as they hugged her from each side. "Oo na nga, ito naman di mabiro alam naman naming mahal na mahal ka ni papa." One flattered her with a fact.
"Syempre ganda ganda ng Susan na yan eh." Kiyeo joked but it was true anyways so Mama Susan just chuckled and then she took a deep breath.
"Taong 1990 ay nagpakasal kami. At sa araw na yun ay kasama naman ang mga mahal namin sa buhay lalo na ang matalik naming kaibigan na si Jane." Her voice started to mellow down again.
The twins exchanged looks having the same thought. It's starting.
"Yung araw din yun ay nagpaalam sa amin si Jane naluluwas sya ng ibang bansa para magtrabaho at magbabakasakali na mahanap si Anna." Kiyeo suddenly remembered a random fact.
"1990? pinagbubuntis na siguro ni Tita Anne si Shuu ng mga panahon na yan."
It was so out of the blue but it made her mother smile small. "Mukha nga."
"Alam naman naming sa aming tatlo ay mas napalapit si Jane kay Anna kaya hindi na kami nagulat na hanggang sa panahon na yun ay nagpupursige pa rin siyang mahanap ang aming kaibigan. At bilang kapwa kaibigan din ay sinupurtahan din namin ito ng inyong ama." She flipped the album to a page showing a photo of them three in the old airport.
"Naalala ko noong araw na iyan ay puro habilin kami sa kanya lalo na inyong Papa Nilo." She said softly, she looked at the twins in their eyes as she continued. "Alam niyo na siguro na magkakabatang magkaibigan ang papa ninyo at ang inyong Tita Jane."
The twins nodded, they already learned it from their lovers. "Kung naabutan niyo pa yung mga nakakakatanda sa San Lorenzo ay sasabihin nilang kambal tuko yung dalawa. Simula pa noong bata pa lamang sila hanggang sa kolehiyo ay magkasama silang dalawa. Sabi pa nga ni Lola ninyo noon ay para silang magkapatid sa hiwalay na ina. Lalo na at pareho sila ng blood type. Na siyang nakuha niyong tatlo."
The twins exhaled, letting out a breath of relief. They were so synchronized that Mama Susan blinked at them, confused. "Bakit parang nabunutan kayo ng tinik sa dibdib?"
The twins mentally hit their heads as they exchanged looks, deciding to keep it to themselves. They don't want to give their mother a reason to overthink just like they did. It was only a theory in their heads about their blood types that they shouldn't even have thought. Their father couldn't ever do that anyways.
So what was the truth that Mama Susan was keeping from them?
"Wala po yun ma, wag niyo na pong pansinin." Said One and Kiyeo nodded, Mama Susan didn't press anymore and just continued with her story.
"At dahil magkapatid ang turingan ng dalawa at iyon ay unang beses na magkakahiwalay sila ay walang ibang ginawa ang inyong ama at maghabalin sa kanya, na sumulat at mag-ingat…" The last word was spoken so quietly hinting that it didn't end well.
"At sa panahong nasa ibang bansa siya, kami naman ng papa niyo ay nanirahan sa Manila. Unti-unti ng binubuo ng papa ninyo ang pangarap niya na maging isang sikat na musikero." A proud smile crept in her face talking about her husband's dreams
"Sa unang taon na nandun sa america si Jane ay di siya nakakalimot sumulat, nakahanap siya ng trabaho sa isang sikat na kompanya at labis kaming natuwa para sa kanya. Ngunit sa ikalawang taon ay naging madalang na ang kaniyang mga sulat. Pinagkibit balikat na lamang namin na siya'y maraming trabaho. Kinalaunan ay nagkaroon kami ng magandang balita sa kanya."
The twins wanted to believe that it was good news but their mother's eyes were too hard to read. "Babalik na ng Pilipinas si Jane."
One and Kiyeo didn't know how to react because they knew that it was news that should be celebrated but they couldn't also get rid of the feeling that something was wrong. And as if their mother could read their minds, she said. "Sobrang natuwa kami noon ng iyong papa kasi ang tagal na din ng nakalipas simula ng siya'y umalis."
She took a deep breath again and the twin's readied themselves even though they already knew what was coming.
"Ngunit laking gulat namin noong sinundo namin siya sa airport at ang bumungad sa amin ay isang buntis na Janett Moon."
Kiyeo bit his lower lip because it hit too close to home, and his mom touched his knee to comfort him. "Ang unang reaksyon namin ng papa mo ay hanapin kung may kasama siyang iba ngunit ang sabi niya ay nag-iisa lamang siya."
"At doon tinanong ng papa niyo ng walang pagdadalawang isip kung nasaan ang ama ng dinadala niya at ang sabi lamang niya ay ito'y nagtatrabaho sa america at susunod na lang daw. Nagawa ko pang magbiro noon ng tampo na hindi niya kami inimbenta sa kanyang kasal at siya'y humingi lamang ng paumanhin sapagka't biglaan lamang daw ito. Ngunit noong tiningnan ko ang kanyang kamay ay wala naman siyang singsing. Iniwas niya din ito bago pa tumingin ang papa niyo." Mama Susan paused for a bit to breathe.
"oh god.." Kiyeo murmured while One only shook his head slowly because they already knew what was happening.
"Umuwi kami noon dito sa San Lorenzo at ganun din ang binigay ng explanasyon ni Jane sa kaniyang pamilya noong tinanong kung nasaan ang ama ng apat na buwang batang pinagbubunitis niya. Pero ramdam ko na nagdududa na inyong ama."
"Lubos na maprotekta ang inyong papa Nilo kaya sinisiguro lamang niya na nasa mabuting kamay ang kanyang kaibigan."
"Ngunit nakalipas ang dalawang buwan at wala pa ding lalaki o asawa na sumunod sa kaniyang pag-uwi. Noong tinatanong ko si Jane tungkol sa kaniyang napangasawa tuwing ako'y bumibisita sa kanila ay hindi nagtutugma ang kaniyang mga sagot kaya labis labis ang aking pagdududa at napilitan akong paamin siya. Na kung ano man ang kaniyang tinatago ay maaari niyang ipagkatiwala sa'kin." Mama Susan closed her eyes for a moment and the twins held her hands giving her the strength to continue.
"At noong araw na yun ay umiyak si Jane sa aking balikat at sinabi ang buong katotohanan na ang kanyang pagbubuntis ay dulot lamang ng aksidente. Na hindi siya pinanagutan ng kaniyang dating nobyo, at siya'y pinatalsik sa trabaho kaya napilitan na lamang ito na umuwi."
Kiyeo didn't know why he was crying but he did, he sobbed and he'll probably apologize to Shuu tomorrow for reasons he couldn't even pinpoint. One passed him the tissue.
"But why did she lie, ma?" One braved to ask, Mama Susan squeezed their hands, as if to apologize for what she was about to say.
"Malaking kahihiyan noon sa aming panahon ang mabuntis ng hindi kasal at mas lalo na kung ito'y hindi pinanagutan ng lalaki. Kaya siya'y naunahan ng takot at napilitang magsinungaling." She explained.
Kiyeo and One felt like they were punched on the stomach, even though single pregnancy wasn't receiving the same prejudice as it did back in the 90s the cases were still being frowned upon. The twins were just lucky that they had a strong support system who didn't allow them to dwell on what other people could say and just focus on their pregnancy.
"But you guys were her friends, right? Why would she lie to you? Lalo na kay papa."
Kiyeo wondered again and Mama Susan swallowed nervously.
"Naalala niyo ba ang sinabi ko na lubos na maprotekta ang papa ninyo?" The twins nodded. "Alam ni Jane na hindi magiging madali sa papa ninyo pagnalaman nito ang kawalanghiyaang ginawa sa kaniyang matalik na kaibigan, umiiwas si Jane sa gulo kaya ayaw niyang ungkatin pa ang iniwan niyang buhay sa america."
"Ma hindi naman siguro bayolente si Papa, I'm sure maiintindihan niya din yun kung yun ang gusto ni Tita Jane." One frustratingly said and his Mama Susan nodded. "At yun din ang sinabi ko sa kaniya. Pero iba talaga ang dala ng takot sa isang tao. Sa sobrang takot niya ay nawala na ang kaniyang tiwala sa amin." She sadly replied.
"But you convinced her right? Na sabihin yung totoo kay papa at sa pamilya niya?" Kiyeo asked, willing for something good out of the tragic story.
"Ginawa ko, sinabihan ko siya. Ngunit humingi siya sakin ng pabor na ihahanda muna niya ang kaniyang sarili at sa ngayon ay kami lang muna ang nakakaalam."
A small whine escaped Kiyeo's lips and One's head throbbed. It wasn't their place to say anything when they also had their own secrets kept behind particular people. But it saddened them that their mother had no choice but to keep the information from her own husband since it wasn't also her's to tell.
"Binigyan ko siya ng isa pang buwan para ihanda ang kaniyang sarili ngunit nakalipas ng isang bwan ay hindi niya pa din nasasabi. Dalawang buwan na lamang at siya'y manganganak na, isang araw habang kami'y nasa kanilang bahay at naghahanda ng mesa para sa tanghalian ay tinanong ko siya kung kelan niya sasabihin ang totoo ngunit siya'y nagkibit balikat lamang, nakikita ko pa rin ang takot sa kaniyang mga mata. Sinubukan ko ulit na palakasin ang kaniyang loob ngunit maya maya ay sumulpot ang papa ninyo narinig ang buong pag-uusap namin. Galit ang nakapinta sa kaniyang mukha ng oras na yun lalo na ng ako'y kaniyang tingnan sa mga mata ng may dismaya."
"Mama…" the twin's hold on their mother's hand tightened as she continued letting everything out of her chest.
"At doon wala ng nagawa si Jane kundi aminin ang buong katotohanan, at habang tinitingnan ko ang papa ninyo yung galit ay unti unting nawawala ngunit ang kaniyang pagkadismaya at lumaki lalo na nung nalaman niya na matagal ko na palang alam. Akala niya ay pareho kami ni Jane na walang tiwala sa kaniya. At bago pa ako magpaliwanag at nauna na si Jane, para idepensa ako at inako lahat ng kasalanan."
"At sa puntong iyon lalo ng gumulo. Naudlot sa away ang kanilang pag-uusap at nagkapalitan ng mga masasakit na salita. Sa ilang taon na magkakakilala kami at sa tanang buhay na magkaibigan sila iyon ang unang beses na mag-away sila ng ganoon kalala. At lubos na nag-aalala pa ako sa kalagayan ni Jane noon dahil sa kanyang pagbubuntis. Pilit ko silang pinapakalma pero bigla akong nahilo sa mga salitang binatawan nila sa isa't-isa. Mga salitang kailanman ay hindi ko inakalang kaya nilang bigkasin." Her lips trembled and her eyes started to mist with tears. The twins waited for her to continue, allowing her to breathe before she spoke again.
"Nasa punto na sila ng pagtatalo kung saan nagtatanong si Danilo kung ano na ang plano niya sa buhay. Sunod sunod na mga tanong kung saan akala ni Jane ay sinusumbatan na siya at inaatake ng kaniyang kaibigan. Pero alam ko na nag-alala lamang si Danilo lalo na at byuda na rin si Tiya Gloria noon. Napatanong ang papa ninyo kung sino ang tutulong sa kanya sa pagpapalaki sa bata sapagka't wala siyang asawa ngunit para kay Jane ay isa iyong insulto sa kaniyang kakayahan at di niya inaasahang mangagaling mismo sa kanyang matalik na kaibigan kaya nasabi niya ang mga katagang."
"Hindi ko kailangan ng asawa para mapalaki ang anak ko. At mas lalong hindi ko kailangan ng awa mo. Hindi kita kailangan. Kaya ko mag-isa."
And the twins felt their world stop for a second and then shattered. Their mother's tears fell as well, sobbing uncontrollably. The twins' knew that if they felt trapped and attacked they probably would say the same thing. But they would be lying if they would say those words to the person who was only only looking out for them and not regret it after. They could only imagine how painful it was for their father.
"Nakita ko kung gaano nagulat si Danilo noong narinig niya yun at kahit ako din ay parang napaghinaan ng tuhod. Nagawa pang tumawa ni Danilo noon, pilit na tinatago yung sakit sa mga binigkas ng kaniyang kaibigan at kaniya ding naisagot ang mga katagang."
"Mabuti at kaya mo naman pala. Kaya simula ngayon hindi ko na pakikialaman ang buhay mo. Kaya mo na yan Janett, kaya mo na yang magiging anak mo. Mag-isa."
Kiyeo whimpered when he heard those words, it felt like he was the one being abandoned. And One who was trying his best to hold himself together finally let his tears fall. Just how angry they were to say those things to each other. Those words were sharper than any dagger that until this day their mother would sob uncontrollably. They cried at each other's arms and still Mama Susan forced herself to continue.
"Sa sobrang sama ng loob ko sa mga nangyari ay bigla akong nawalan ng malay."
The twins' tear stained eyes widened.
"At noong nagising ako ay nasa ospital na ako at doon namin nalaman na nagdadalang tao na pala ako ng mga oras na iyon."
And she gently touched their faces.
"Isang buwan na kayo noon mga anak."
The twins blinked through their teary eyes, their heart mushy at the random fact.
"Ang sabi ng doctor ay maselan ang aking pagdadalang tao lalo na at may dalawang pintig ng puso." She softly added then she gave them an apologetic smile.
"At hihingi ako ng tawad kasi noong nalaman namin iyong magandang balita at kahit na parehong masaya kami ng inyong ama ay di din namin maitago na nagkasamaan kami ng loob ng dahil sa nangyari. Kaya umuwi kami ng tahimik at hindi nagkikibuan."
The twins sighed but at the same time they understood. "Lumipas ang mga ilang araw at hindi na natiis ng inyong ama ang aking pagkikibit balikat ito'y humingi na ng tawad at dahil hindi ko din gusto na bigyan siya ng dagdag na alalahanin at inaalala ko rin na baka makakasama sa inyo ang aming ginagawa kaya't inayos namin ang aming di pagkakaunawaan. Ngunit noong sinabihan ko siya na kausapin si Jane at humingi din ng tawad ay hindi ito kumibo."
"Alam kong wala akong sa posisyon para diktahan ang nararamdaman niya. Kaya hinintay ko din na si Jane na rin ang mauuna ang lumapit ngunit tulad ng papa ninyo ay sakin lang din siya humingi ng tawad."
The twins' faces were painted by disappointment. "Pareho silang nilamon ng kanilang pride, if they didn't mean what they said." Kiyeo muttered and Mama Susan nodded. Then she grabbed an old photograph package beneath the photo albums and handed it to the twins. One was the one who pulled the pictures out and a small gasp escaped his lips.
"Sa dalawang buwan na natitirang pagbubuntis ni Jane at hindi na kami nagkikita dahil sa parehong kaming nag iingat ay nagpapadala na lamang siya ng mga litrato ng kanyang sarili. Kasama na dito ang kaniyang mga paghahanda sa kanyang pangaganak." She said while looking at the photos in One's hands.
There were a lot of photos of Jane in her maternity dress, a random photo of baby clothes and even the nursery. And when the twins' flip the photo at the back, there were words written in it. Their mouths hung open when they realized that it was letters addressed to their mother. They looked up at their mom who said. "Sa bawat litrato ay ang kaniyang liham kung saan kinukwento niya ang kanyang mga paghahanda." She smiled proudly and bitterly. "Patunay na kinakaya niya at huwag kaming mag-alala sa kanya."
Kiyeo felt his lips trembling as another tear fell, Mama Susan wiped it. "Bawat linggo nagpapadala siya ng mga litrato ngunit ni isang beses ay hindi man lang sumilip si Danilo dito. Akala ko ay talagang huli na nga para sa kanilang magkaibigan ngunit ang sa kahulihulihang litrato na kanyang pinadala ay may nakasulat na susubukan niyang ayusin ang kanilang pagkakaibigan pagkatapos…. p-pagkatapos niyang…manㅡ"
Her voice was breaking and her chest was heaving so much that the twins immediately went to her aid. Kiyeo wrapped his arms around her, putting pressure into the hug whilst crying quietly while One ran into the kitchen to get a glass of water. She rubbed her Mama Susan's back trying to calm her down until she reached for the glass. They let her breathe, let silence engulf them until ten minutes passed and their mother spoke again. "Pagkatapos niyang maㅡ"
"Ma kaya mo pa ba pwede naman natin tong ipagpabukas." One said concernedly.
They already knew what was coming and their mother was having a hard time already. But Mama Susan just looked at him a little desperate and he knew that she needed to let it out. Kiyeo and One exchanged looks and they nodded holding their mom's hand again. She took a deep breathe, the deepest one that the twins ever witnessed.
"Sabi niya ay hihingi siya ng tawad sa kaniyang mga sinabi pagkatapos ng kanyang p-panganganak." She managed to finally say and the twins closed their eyes as their heads fell. "Ngunit huli na ang lahat."
"Hating gabi noong nagsimula ang kanyang labor at dahil dalawa lang sila ni Tiya Gloria sa bahay ay hindi agad sila nakapag-aksyon. Sabi niya sa akin sa isang liham na may nakipagusapan na siyang kapitbahay na magnamaneho sa kanya pagdumating yung oras na kailangan niya ng isugod sa ospital. Ngunit ang sabi saakin ni tiya ay ng gabing iyon ay nagkaroon ng problema ang kaniyang sakyan kaya natagalan sila bago dumating ng ospital."
"Masyado ding mabilis ang pagbaba ng kanyang anak sa kanyang matres kaya sobrang hirap na siya sa paghinga…" Their mother's hand was trembling again and they realized that she was now sharing the story in the perspective of Lola Gloria. "At noong nasa delivery room na siya ay nagkaroon ng komplikasyon at ang sabi ng doctor ay nawawalan na siya ng maraming dugo…"
The twins could slowly feel the chills running down their spine to the horror that was about to come. "Doon na kami nakatanggap ng tawag sa telepono galing sa ospital. At yung nakasagot ay ang inyong papa Danilo. Sa kabilang linya ay si Tiya umiiyak na naghahanap ng blood donor."
One cursed under his breath suddenly he could see himself back in the delivery room.
"At noong oras na yung ay hindi nagdalawang isip ang papa niyo, kahit nag-aalala siya na maiiwan ako mag-isa, kahit na nangiginig na ako sa takot ay nagawa niya pa din akong pakalmahin bago siya umalis. Umalis na nagmamadali para iligtas yung kaibigain niya."
"At buong gabi nagdasal ako na nagdasal na maging ligtas siya, maging ligtas ang bata at maging ligtas si Jane…"
"Pero nakalipas ang ilang oras tumunog ang telepono…" She swallowed dryly, tears falling into her eyes as she continued. "Hindi hindi ko makakalimutan ang sakit, pait, kirot at pagsisisi sa boses ng papa ninyo. Huli na."
The twins' tears fell like waterfalls, they've been crying all night already and yet they still have too many to cry.
"Huli na siya."
Their hearts cracked.
"Wala na si Jane."
Their hearts shattered into million pieces. Their cries echoed through the walls as the night deepened. They mourn once more.
@xbgmyl