holidays
tw // emotional manipulation
reader's discretion is advised.
@keunsmochi
the mass ended at 10:00 pm. joaquin still hasn't talked to his family aside from the nods and ‘mano’ to the elders. they arrived back home at 10:30 pm. the foods were slowly being served as the table setting was also slowly arranged. they will eat noche buena along with their extended families, that's why they were set around a long table.
everyone was talking about random things while joaquin remained silent beside his oldest brother. he was trying to enjoy the food despite the feeling of being left out. he was eating a plate of lasagna and suddenly struggled to swallow it in when the topic diverted unto him.
“joaquin, ayos na ba kayo ng tatay mo?” the people at the table suddenly fell silent. he slowly lifted his head up to attend to their stares. his eyes met his father’s who was waiting for him to speak up.
“hindi pa po kami nag uusap, auntie.”
“aba? bakit? ano bang dapat niyo pang pag-usapan?” his other auntie butted in.
“yung sa nangyari po, tsaka para rin po makapagpatawaran na kami.”
“sus!” joaquin was startled at the sudden hiss from his uncle. “joaquin, iho, ang mga usap usap na yan ay para lang sa madadrama! lalagyan mo lang ng drama ang relasyon niyo ng iyong ama.” he was about to explain himself but another one of his uncles started to butt in.
“joaquin, ang magulang, hindi kayang tiisin ang anak, kaya sana ikaw rin. sigurado akong napatawad ka na ng tatay mo sa pagrerebelde mo, kaya patawarin mo na rin! jusko, kabataan nga naman! sa pagtatanim ng sama ng loob kainam!”
before someone butts in again, joaquin spoke his thoughts. “handa naman po ako magpatawad at humingi ng tawad. gusto ko lang po sana mag-usap muna kami para maayos yung mga ‘di namin napagkasunduan dati…”
joaquin was slowly getting frustrated at his situation. he can feel that everyone was looking at him judgingly, while his father remains silent beside his mom who’s just giving him soft stares.
“joaquin, jusko! bata ka pa nga! wala ka pang muwang sa tunay na buhay…” joaquin was biting his lips to stop his tears from falling as he can hear his aunties and uncles laughing at him.
“auntie… uncle” his oldest brother cut in. “kain na po tayo… hayaan na po muna natin si quin at papa sa problema nila…” his kuya julian squeezed his hand to signal him to continue eating.
“kaya nagkakaganyan iyang kapatid niyo ay dahil alam niyang kakampihan niyo siya…” still adamant to win the conversation, one of his uncle retorts.
“kaya nga! mana’y pagsabihan niyo na mali yang ginagawa niya! na nakikipagpatigasan siya sa mga magulang niya.”
joaquin couldn't hold it in. “hindi naman po ako nakikipagpatigasan, uncle. ang gusto ko lang po ay magkausap kami dahil nagkalamat na po ang relasyon namin ng papa… naapektuhan po ang mental health ko nang malala, kaya nga umuwi po ako para makipag ayos h—” he felt a lump in his throat when his words were interrupted because of the sudden laughs.
“si kadramahan! ba’t hindi ka mag artista?” his other uncle cheered his glass with his other uncles before laughing. “ang mga kabataan talaga may pa mental health mental health pa… maarte ka laang! ayun lang iyon! nako! pinaganda mo pa!”
joaquin looked at his father to ask for help, but the man was quietly chugging his beer while avoiding joaquin's stares.
“iho…” his father’s oldest sister called. “paskong pasko oh… patawarin mo na ang tatay mo. hindi magandang salubungin ‘to nang may hinanakit at galit sa puso…”
“sasama ang loob ng diyos sa iyo dahil sa galit na kinikimkim mo… hindi ganyan ang tamang asal, iho… aba’y magpapasko na subuk subukan mong magbago.”
and that was joaquin’s last straw before politely excusing himself from the dining table.
he not only felt belittled, but he also felt violated from all the emotional manipulation he’s getting from people who know nothing about his own feelings.
sa susunod na lang siguro. pag handa na kayong pakinggan ako.
@jekabelbel